April 2007 Archives

Can't seem to get this image out of my head. It seems to haunt my every thought each time I close my eyes. Bright blue and piercing straight through me, relentlessly accusing.

It's official I have a working fireplace.

So last night I got in bed around 8:30 because I just didn't feel like doing anything. Around midnight or so I woke up and realized I forgot to eat again. Apparently I forgot to feed Ziggy as well because he was up in my face meowing. So tonight here I lay, half watching Family Guy and completely lost in thought again. I've been trying to occupy my mind with projects ranging from web design and graphics meddling to the usual time sink of WoW. I am still quite stifled as to what I can and can't say based on who all thinks my life is any of their business still. I guess I just need to say what is on my mind and damn the consequences. Maybe I will just take the image I have been working on and use it on here somehow. Only thing that I am sure of anymore is something has to change before I lose what is left of my mind.

In other news my old ranger is finally fixed but now it seems to have a problem with the wipers and the A/C needs to be recharged. Bah! It seems to be a never ending cycle of stuff that needs to be done. Hopefully they will be bringing the stuff to fix the fireplace later this week as well and I will be able to mark two projects off my list. I still need to pick out a color for the bedroom upstairs as well as finish sanding off the old stuff. Just can't seem to make myself do it. I'm rambling so I should see what I can do to get some sleep and pick this up tomorrow.

Also known as my life at times. When you think that humanity as a whole cannot get any worse just talk to me sometime. Seems these days each step I take forward I get a giant shove back with an ever present reminder that things are never what they seem and more often than not worse than you let yourself admit to.

For about the last two or three weeks i've been fighting with one of those little demons in my head. Even though this is futile and completely self-destructive I have been unable to quash it. What is it that I am talking about? In a single word, blame. I do recognize that I am not 100% responsible for everything that happened even though I can't seem to stop myself from trying to assume 100% of it. Each time I put my thoughts here it seems to stir shit back up but I can't let that affect what I need to do in order to cope. Selfish aren't I? Yeah well guess I am but little by little I am beginning to not care. If it isn't completely obvious by now most of the problems in my world revolve around my interactions with the opposite sex and their often abrupt endings. This one in particular has been troubling me for months now and likes to let me go numb then appear again from the nether and renew what was waning. I keep finding myself looking back on photos
and wanting things to be back as they were with blissful ignorance of things going on behind closed doors. Where now I keep getting these thoughts in my head that I can't seem to shake. There really wasn't anything there to begin with, well nothing worth keeping anyhow it seems. Another question I have found myself asking is would someone knowingly continue to renew that type of pain? If so would it be because they want to inflict as much pain as possible on the other person or is it more just out of a sense of want?

Someone posted this on the se2600 irc channel which then pointed to someplace else, yada yada yada. Mmmmm brains.

So yeah per my usual weekends I have seen a few more movies and here they are.

Zodiac. Loved this movie. While I am unsure as to how much of it was based on the facts of the zodiac killer case and how much was just added for the big screen I thoroughly enjoyed this. Probably one of the greatest unsolved crimes in history and still it captures people's imaginations with all the notes and clues that were left by the killer. Try and catch this movie if it is still showing you won't be disappointed.

300. <gay>Hot sweaty men with no shirts, rawrrrrr.</gay> With that out of the way blood and guts and fighting and blood, did I mention blood? Action flick of the year but it will probably win no awards. 300 men hold off an army led by a "god". This movie has a large fan base with the geeks out there and will probably catch the interest of a few non-geeks as well. Not something you will see 1000 times but something you will at least sit through a couple dozen, if it's on.

Dead Silence Ooooo it's a mystery. Opens up with a dude and his wife when a knock at the door reveals a puppet. Puppet comes to life slashes wife's throat and the dude gets blamed for the murder. Dude heads home to bury his wife and learns about his family's dark past and then tries in vain to stop the killing cycle. Oh no plot spoiler... he fails. Actually the end of this was pretty freakin' sweet. Watch this at least once to get the twist at the end, the rest is sorta ho hum.

The Hills Have Eyes 2 After I saw the first one I said it was awful and they left it open for a sequel, here is the proof. How do you describe something like this. As Hollis called them "the atomic retards" are still alive, still killing anything that comes near but this time they are up against the National Guard. If anything this movie just reinforced the idea in my head that we need not be dependent on the military to save us. I know it was just a movie but portrayal of some of the people in the guard were pretty close to some of the people I have known that enlisted. Long story short at least one mutant retard is left alive expect a straight to DVD sequel in the next year. Blech. In their defense at least they started giving them some freaky deformations where the last one wasn't all that bad.

Shooter Another military movie where a sniper was left to die and didn't. Government then sets him up as a fall guy and he runs for his life trying to unravel their plot. Explosions and missing corpses a plenty in this action flick. Not real high on replay value though. Don't bother unless you have an hour and a half to kill and feel like shutting your brain off.